Monday, February 28, 2011

LIEGE ET GRAFFITI

Liège : les Rooftop ou graffitis de l’extrême

Depuis quelque temps, les Liégeois peuvent apercevoir d’étranges inscriptions sur les façades de plusieurs bâtiments de la ville. Ces œuvres en hauteur sont appelées les Rooftop ... reportage complet à lire ce vendredi 4 mars dans La Meuse.

Source et photo : La Meuse du 25 fev 2011

Liege graffiti

Wildstyle Design - Colorfull Sketches of Graffiti Alphabet

graffiti alphabet,graffiti sketches

3 graffiti alphabet design in a paper on freedom of expression hand in shaping and coloring. The third design uses wildstyle graffiti in the making to make it look beautiful with 3D and color combinations that will be integrated.

graffiti alphabet,graffiti sketches
graffiti alphabet,graffiti sketches
Please give your comments about this graffiti image, Thanks....

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Saturday, February 26, 2011

7 Graffiti Font Character

graffiti letter a-z,Graffiti Fonts
graffiti letter a-z,Graffiti Fonts
graffiti letter a-z,Graffiti Fonts
graffiti letter a-z,Graffiti Fonts
graffiti letter a-z,Graffiti Fonts
graffiti letter a-z,Graffiti Fonts
graffiti letter a-z,Graffiti Fonts
7 Graffiti Font Character

Please give your comments about this graffiti image, Thanks....

Friday, February 25, 2011

runDMC Adidas Graffiti Wall Street

graffiti wall,Graffiti Street
runDMC Adidas Graffiti Wall Street

Please give your comments about this graffiti image, Thanks....

4 Life Love Graffiti Wall Brick - STeve & Bob

Graffiti Street,Graffiti Wall
4 Life Love Graffiti Wall Brick - STeve & Bob

Please give your comments about this graffiti image, Thanks....

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Shame - edit #4 (Part 1)

This post will develop over a couple of days

When one reads the literature on shame one finds a bit of confusion as to what shame is and is not. Or perhaps it is better to say that people have differing views on it. One commonly finds three things mentioned in relation to shame.

Internalised anger
Guilt &
Shame

These three things are often mentioned as relating to or being part of shame. My own view is that each of these constitute three separate psychological processes. They are three separate entities. However they can and often do occur contemporaneously.

woman pours paint

This would explain why some people may see guilt as being part of the shame experience or internal anger as defined as being shame on occasion. They can occur at the same time and often do. If one can define the three separate psychological processes this would clarify the nature of shame and its associated processes.

There are two ways in which internal anger can occur as shown in the diagram

Two types of internal anger

People can express anger at themselves from their Child ego state. When this occurs people will do negative internal self talk such as I am stupid, I was a geek talking to that girl and so on....

Anger can also be expressed from the Critical Parent ego state to the Child of the person. In this case the internal self talk does not start with a “I” statement but with a “You” statement when an internal ‘telling off’ occurs. Examples may be “You were such a jerk talking to that boy”, “You can’t even get a simple report right”, You stupid f**k” and so forth.

Guilt occurs when the person has a sense of breaking an internal rule which they have for them self. If a husband thinks the woman next door is hot and foxy but he has a rule inside his Parent ego state which says, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours wife” then he can end up feeling guilt for having such thoughts and feelings.

Amy winehouse..

Or a person may steal money from a brother and later feel guilt about it because he has the rule in his Parent that you don’t steal from your brother. People can feel guilty the next day after a night of drinking too much. Alcohol decommissions the Parent ego state and thus people behave in such ways that they usually wouldn’t. The next day after the alcohol has worn off they feel guilty because the Parent ego state becomes active again.

Guilt transaction

Finally we have shame which is a natural feeling reaction to a particular environmental stimuli. Often, but by no means always, it is associated with sex, nudity or intimate bodily processes such as urinating or defecating. A prime example is the enuretic child who wets his bed at night. When the child wakes up and realises he has wet the bed it is very easy for him to feel shame about that and he can go to extensive lengths to try and hide it. Indeed parents need to be very careful not engender a sense of shame in a child when he wets the bed. It needs to be dealt with very carefully so as to avoid this. Thus we have the shame transaction.

Shame transaction

As you can see this differs from the guilt transaction in that there is no Parent to Child transaction before for emotion is experienced. This is consistent with Freud’s presentations on shame which is probably best summed up by Lynd(1958) who notes that guilt is usually more related to transgressions of clear moral codes and rules. No better example of this is found in religious texts which define what behaviours, thoughts and feelings are regarded as sinful. These are incorporated into the Parent ego state by the young child and when transgressed the individual most often will expoerience guilt.

With shame the rules are much less codified and clear. Transgressions of them are more by tactlessness, errors in taste or bad luck. As a result the Parent ego state is much less involved in the process. Again the example of the enuretic child demonstrates this. Wetting the bed does not break a Parent ego state rule and generally would not be regarded as sinful. Instead it result from bad luck or factors outside the child’s control.

Lynd, H.M. (1958) On Shame and the Search for Identity. London: Routledge & Kegan Paul.


This indicates that there are three separate psychological processes - inward anger, guilt and shame. They can occur on their own or they can occur together. However if we see them as separate processes then the situation as to what shame is and is not can be kept more clear.


The separateness of these three psychological processes can be understood experientially as well. In therapy I may ask the client the following questions:

Recall a time when you felt guilty.
What happened and describe the feeling? Use a few words to describe what the experience of guilt feels like for you?

Recall a time when you felt shame.
What happened and describe the feeling? Use a few words to describe what the experience of shame feels like for you?

Recall a time when you felt angry at yourself.
What happened and describe the feeling? Use a few words to describe what the experience of self directed anger feels like for you?

Most people find this quite easy to do and report that the experience of shame and guilt are different which supports the contention that they involve discrete psychological operations.

If any one here wants to do this exercise I would be interested to hear your answers.

exposed self harmer


Shame and embarrassment

Under normal circumstances shame is not an emotion that is experienced all that often. The feelings chart shows there are various groups of feelings.

Feelings chart

I have purposely used the word “Family” because they are like that. There is a commonality amongst the feelings but they are also all different. Just like members in a family, they all have a basic commonality and they are also all different.

It is proposed that shame and embarrassment are like this. Embarrassment is a minor version of the full shame reaction and thus embarrassment is a much more common feeling for people to experience. It is safe to say that most people could relatively easily recite situations where they have felt embarrassed. Under normal circumstances there would be far less events to recall where the person felt shame.

They both come from the same emotion but vary in their impact. Whilst embarrassment is an unpleasant emotion to experience it does not have the devastating effect that shame can have. Charles Rycroft notes that shame is the cinderella of the destructive emotions. The experience of shame tears at the core of who we are. It effects us at a deep level and the understanding of who we are.

Tiger chaser

With guilt people can have the experience of,

“I am bad for doing that thing”

whereas with shame the person is more likely to end up with the feeling of,

“I am bad”
Whilst the shame will be connected to a certain event occurring the resultant comprehension of it is more about me as a person rather than about something I have done. Shame has far more destructive power than most other emotions.

As stated above under normal circumstances shame is infrequently experienced. It tends to only be experienced in relation to quite unusual circumstances, where as embarrassment is more frequently experienced in reaction to a wider range of events. There is however an exception to this.

sheep & kid
Will he feel embarrassed about ending up like this? Lots of people are watching!


Parents quickly learn that emotions are a effective way to get children to conform.

They can use guilt.

“Mummy will feel sad and hurt if you don’t eat up all your food”.

They can use fear by threatening abandonment.

“Unless you have your bath now mummy will get a policeman to come and take you away”.

These emotions cause pain in the child and thus the child will tend to behave in order to avoid the painful experience. The same applies for shame which can be a very unpleasant emotion to experience. Thus parents can say things like,

“You should be ashamed of yourself for.....”

It works in getting a child to behave in a certain way but it is also particularly destructive in the ways described above. I would strongly advise parents not to employ this kind of child rearing practice.

dog attack
This will get people to conform, but at what long term psychological cost?

If you are working with a client who reports this kind of parenting in their childhood then you know the person may be damaged psychologically at quite a deep level. Also they will tend to report the experience of shame in the present more than average. They will tend to react to events with shame whereas others would tend to only experience embarrassment. This of course just amplifies the problem.

Rycroft, C.
1971. Reich. Fontana: Great Britain

The discussion about using shame as a parenting technique provides insight into the difference between neurotic shame and Here and Now (H&N) or reality based shame.

AC vs FC shame

This figure shows the two different types of shame are functions of two different parts of the personality. Reality based shame is a function of the Free Child aspect of the personality and the Adapted Child ego state is where neurotic shame would result from.

This proposal rests on the assumption that shame can be a normal and natural human emotion. An assumption that gets plenty of support. Firstly Freud (1942) notes that shame is “,,, organically predetermined...”(p.46). Then English (1994) discusses the topic in some depth. As she notes it would be impossible to instil shame in a child who did not already have the organic receptors for it. The ability to feel shame can be seen to have some evolutionary advantages as well.

English reports that Charles Darwin suggested that shame had certain evolutionary advantages. Shame is often around nudity and sexual matters and that covering up the genitals afforded more protection of them which also increased the likelihood of the propagation of the species. The expression of shame often involves blushing and a desire to hide which corresponds to the feeling of being dangerously exposed.

Borat Free Child
Why only cover up those parts of the body?



English, F. (1994) ‘Shame and Social Control Revisited.’ Transactional Analysis Journal. 24, 2, 109 - 120.

Freud, S. (1942) Three Contributions to the Theory of Sex. London: Imago.



As a result humans are so constructed that should a particular set of circumstances arise they will naturally feel shame. To make the assessment of reality based shame versus neurotic shame one needs to judge the appropriateness of the circumstances that have lead to the shame reaction.

Sometimes this is clear but at other times it is harder to assess. As said before shame is often, but by no means always, associated with nudity, sex or intimate physical and psychological factors. Below are some instances where many would feel shame as an appropriate H&N reaction.

The child who wets its bed or soils itself.
A woman discovers her ex-partner has placed intimate nude photographs of her on the internet for all to see.
A man is publicly exposed as an adulterer in his church group.
A man publicly jokes about his wife’s vaginismus.
A woman pokes fun at her husband about his baldness which she knows he is very sensitive about.

Lady rings on eyes

If a person reports feeling shame in such situations these could be diagnosed as Free Child shame reactions.

Some times the circumstances are less clear.
A teenager gets an F for his maths test.
A lecturer trips on steps as he walks up onto the stage to give a lecture.
Is it appropriate to feel shame in these examples, is harder to judge.

Many people with a social phobia report shame and embarrassment that is neurotic in nature. They feel as they walk into a social gathering that everybody is looking at them, they look awkward and odd such that they experience shame. Or as they talk they think they are blushing and saying stupid things and feel shame as a result.

These are likely to be Adapted Child ego state responses of shame. One reason why these occur can be due to the parenting styles as described above. If the parents have used shame as a method of punishment and said things like, “You should be ashamed of your self for...” the person is primed to have shame reactions as an adult. As a result they will have reactions of shame when most others would not.

Japanese lady

This leaves us at the next juncture of what does one do when they feel shame? Thus the distinction between neurotic and reality based shame assumes some importance.


Graffiti

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

What is emotional literacy?

KYLady asks what is emotional literacy. Here is my answer.

Sometimes emotional literacy is referred to as the “Fourth R’. Children as they grow need to learn the “Three Rs” of reading, writing and arithmetic. Considerable time, effort and money is invested in making sure they learn these three things. Unfortunately much less effort is invested in making sure children learn the fourth R of relating or feeling.

There are a number of skills that need to be mastered before one can say they are emotionally literate. Humans are a verbal creature. We use speech as a primary way of communicating and thus we need to make sure that when we use a word it has the same meaning for the person listening to us.

Dancing girl

One of the problems with feelings is you can not see them or touch them. Instead you experience them. We can see behavioural manifestations of feelings which helps but that is also quite subjective. For example one child may hit another child. Some children will get to the point of physically hitting out only when they are very frustrated. They can be said to have ten units of frustration. Other children with much lower levels of frustration tolerance will hit out when they have only two units of frustration. The behavioural manifestations of emotions for people differ, at time differ significantly.

Whilst we can make some conclusions about their feeling state from observing the behaviour of a child it remains a very inexact science for reasons like cited above. Most humans automatically assume that others are like them. If I physically hit out when I have eight units of frustration I will automatically assume that others are the same. When I see a child hit out I will assume they have a particular level of frustration like mine. However that may not be so at all and often is not the case. Thus we already have the potential for miscommunication about feelings. If I should talk to the child about the hitting out he did and his feelings at the time then our communications may become confused. I can easily inaccurately assume he was feeling a certain way at the point of physically hitting out because that is how I would feel.

Two children

Children need to learn the correct words for the various feeling states. They need to learn that the word ‘anger’ fits for a particular emotional experience. Once done they need to learn the differences in that particular feeling state. The words ‘very angry’ mean a particular feeling experience that is different from the feeling state described by the words, ‘a little bit angry’, and so forth.

This is a most important task. If one is going to maintain workable and functional relationships they have to gain at least a satisfactory mastery of the literacy just described. If they do not develop such emotional literacy their relationships will repeatedly fall into disharmony and disarray. To establish some level of intimacy in a relationship one needs to be able to communicate to the other about their feelings in a satisfactory way.

Indeed some argue that relating and feeling should be the first R, not the fourth R. If one cannot maintain functional relationships then their life will remain in a poor state of health. If one can get such emotional literacy mastered then one has a much better basis upon which to learn the three other Rs.

Poodle man

The first step in emotional literacy is for the child needs to fit the right word to the right feeling state at the right level. However this is only part of the educational process. Once they are in a particular feeling state like anger, sadness or despair what do they do then?

With feelings the child is in a heighten state of readiness to act. When experiencing feeling the body is in a heightened state of tension and thus the person is motivated to engage in some kind of action. In other words how does the child express the feeling or perhaps defuse the state of bodily tension. Each society has appropriate and inappropriate ways of expressing and dealing with feelings. There is no universally correct way of dealing with ones feelings. Indeed psychologists disagree amongst themselves about how to deal with feelings.

The child needs to come to some conclusion about how to deal with its feelings that is acceptable to the wider society, to its parents and to itself. This is the second part of the educational process of emotional literacy.

Gun girl

The third part in the process is to isolate the ways by which the child is ‘misusing’ its emotions. This misuse can be done in wide variety of ways. Firstly emotions are a powerful way to get others to conform to what you want. Parents quickly learn this.

They can use guilt.

“Mummy will feel sad and hurt if you don’t eat up all your food”.

They can use fear by threatening abandonment.

“Unless you have your bath now mummy will get a policeman to come and take you away”.

These are effective and powerful ways to get a child to behave. Unfortunately they also leave psychological scars, at times deep psychological scars that can last a life time. If a parent threatens abandonment the child may grow up with a ever present fear of being abandoned. Eventually he marries a woman who has an affair and does indeed abandon him. However she is desperately unhappy because for the prior twenty years she has been subjected to his pathological jealousy because of his fear of abandonment.

Some times the society as a whole encourages children to use feelings for ulterior gain. In many societies boys are encouraged to be angry and not sad and girls are encouraged to be sad and not angry. As they grow up and eventually get married the man slowly learns that if he raises his voice a bit and presents a bit of anger then the woman will tend to back down and he gets what he wants. He learns, usually without even being aware of it, if he gets angry he is more likely to get what he wants from his wife.

Boxing woman

On the other hand as the girl grows she learns that if she starts to cry she is more likely to get what she wants. Again out of her awareness she finds that if she starts to cry when arguing with her husband he is more likely to back down and she is more likely to get what she wants.

This final part of the emotional literacy process seeks to identify all the permutations and problems that can get attached to feelings and seeks to untangle them.

If the three steps are achieved with some degree of success then the more emotionally literate the person will be and the less emotional and relationship difficulties they will have in life.

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