The suicidal process

In my book I discuss the seven main types of suicide decisions these being



If you don’t change I will kill myself

If things get too bad I will kill myself

I will show you even if it kills me

I will get you to kill me

I will kill myself by accident

I will almost die (over and over) to get you to love me

I will kill myself to hurt you



I recently wrote an article on the suicide note left by Adolf Hitler, here.





In the press there is currently a lot being said about events in Libya and the fate of Muammar Qaddafi.









These types of leaders provide some good insight into the nature of the suicidal person and how the life script progresses to its final conclusion. High profile political and military leaders who manoeuvre themselves into a position where they have no way left to turn. The difference between these and others is their moves and decisions get highly publicised and are the content of detailed analysis by historians. So one can get a much more complete understanding of what they did to end up at the point of suicide.



All these people at some point must violate the rights of large numbers of people which usually also involves killing large numbers of people. Once done then it is fairly safe to say that he has made the early decision of



1. If things get too bad I will kill myself, or

2. I will get you to kill me



These individuals would know that as soon as they do that then their life is now under significant threat from those on the other side of the political fence. They would know this prior to ordering such killings. They would also know that politics is a very fickle thing and that political power can change quickly. Prior to ordering such mistreatment they would know these two things.







It seems safe to say that the situation these people voluntarily entered into indicates they are suicidal in some way. They are voluntarily behaving in such away that it is quite likely they will end up dead by either their own hand or by others and not be natural causes. They are voluntarily behaving in such a way that it is likely their life will be shortened which one could argue is a suicidal act.



With Hitler it was

If things get too bad I will kill myself



and he killed himself



With Saddam Hussein it was

I will get you to kill me



and he got the state to kill him.



With Muammar Qaddafi we will find out what happens. If things progress where his political power is finally gone completely then he is left in the position to carry out the final scene of his suicidal life script. It is very likely that he will die by his own hand or others and not of natural causes.







Each of us on this planet have our own field of influence. We live in a community of some kind whether that be one or two friends, a family, a small community or an entire nation. From a psychological point of view there is no difference between these people. The person who kills his wife in DV (where the death penalty exists) to the person who kills thousands in his own country.



Psychologically there is no difference they are simply constructing their life circumstances such that the early suicide decision can be carried out in the end. There is much hype surrounding powerful political leaders that one tends to forget they are just an individual. Once upon a time he was a little boy with his mother and father who did whatever they did and he made a suicide decision early in life. He then sets about constructing life circumstances such that his suicide life script is played out. That can involve one or two others or millions of others, but psychologically there is no difference between the two.



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Singapore workshops

Last week I ran four workshops in Singapore.

Here is a picture of the organizing committee.

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To my left and right are Jessica Leong (President of TAAS) and Irene Yong. Both these women were instrumental in developing Transactional Analysis in Singapore in the early 1980s.

I ran one workshop on personality disorders to the psychatric staff at the Tan Tock Seng hospital.

Then two demonstration therapy groups to the students at ECTA who are seeking their Masters as psychotherapists and counsellors.

Finally I did a workshop on suicide and the suicidal client. Below is a picture of me being introduced at the start of that workshop.

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Met lots of old friends whilst I was there and made some new ones.

It was a great trip!

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Family systems and illness

Family systems theory as described by Haley (1980) provides further insight into how people can display suicidal behaviour and not necessarily have made the suicide decision. In any relationship with two or more people there is a ‘system’ that develops between them. When the two (or more) personalities meet, over time they work out how to be in the relationship for them. For example one party will take over some roles and the other party will take over other roles.

This can be described in terms of ego states. In a relationship between mother and son the mother may take over the Parent and Adult ego states in the relationship and the son may respond primarily from Rebellious Child ego state. Over time they will work this out often with both parties not even being aware of it. In a family of five members each one will also work out their various roles and positions in the family.

All families develop a system that works for them

Some family systems operate such that one party needs to be ill. If the daughter of the family is ill then all the other family members know what to do in terms of their roles and responsibilities. Examples of types of illness that can originate from a dysfunctional family system can be self harming, drug use, depression and panic attacks eating disorders and suicidal behaviour.

In such circumstances if the daughter is making suicidal statements, gestures or attempts then that is how that family functions. For instance mother and father may start to co-operate and unite against the common cause of the daughters suicidal ‘illness’. It allows them to focus on the daughter and thus they can put to the side their own marital problems.

If the daughter stops making suicidal gestures then mother and father are again confronted with their own relationship so there can be subtle pressure on the daughter to remain suicidal. Having worked in drug rehabilitation this is not an uncommon scenario when one hears the drug user refer to himself as the black sheep of the family.

In such situations when working with the suicidal daughter one can encounter resistance from other family members because if the daughter changes (ie stops being suicidal) then the whole family system has to change. Every person has to alter to some extent and systems will resist change as they strive to achieve homeostasis. Some only have to alter slightly and those who have considerable psychological investment in the daughter being suicidal may be quite resistant to the change.

Treatment of such suicidal people is thus complicated as it involves the person restructuring their relationship with the other family members and that maybe difficult especially if the child is living at home and cannot move out. This also provides an extra avenue of investigation when making a suicide risk assessment.

As is common in the field of psychology often the different approaches whether they may be psychodynamic, organic or systems all tend to take the stance of one size fits all. In this instance all suicidal people are a result of a dysfunctional family system. It is indeed unfortunate how the alternative theories do this as with the human psyche, rarely one size fits all. From my experience of working with the suicidal sometimes the family system is very important and at other times it is only a minor influence. However in assessing and understanding the suicidal person it is very wise to make an assessment of how the suicidal thoughts and behaviour fit for the family system that the person currently lives in.

It is also possible for the individual to have made the suicide decision in childhood and be in a family system where they take the sick role of being suicidal. If that is the case then the risk level of a suicide attempt would certainly increase.

In systems theory every system is naturally homeostatic and will seek to balance itself. Thus it will also avoid or resist change as the balance is disrupted and it is not homeostatic.

So if family member number two changes then that forces all other members to change in some way as well. That change can be anything such as becoming depressed, stop being bulimic, start taking drugs, winning the lottery to becoming assertive. If you change then the system becomes unbalanced and all others have to change so that they system can become homeostatic again.

If you are feeling depressed or anxious that means all those in your ‘family system’, or your inner circle of closest people, are in some way contributing to your depression or anxiety. Indeed if you are feeling happy and joyous they are also contributing to that as well. In systems theory there is no such thing as an ill person, instead it is the system that is ill. If your partner is suffering depression then you are contributing to that in some way as part of the system.

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The copy cat suicide

The phenomena of copy cat suicide has been documented for some time. It is noted that there can be clusters of other suicide attempts after a suicide by those known to the deceased directly or even through the internet. It can also happen when a suicide for some reason gets a lot of publicity or a particularly high profile person suicides. This can lead to a spike in suicides and attempts by people who knew of the deceased through the publicity but was not know them personally.

It should also be noted that the copy cat effect could apply when some one is just talking about and demonstrating suicidal behaviour not only when a suicide is completed. For instance if one has a peer or relative who makes suicide attempts, talks about their suicidal thoughts and plans, displays suicide notes, displays stock piled medication, a tube for gassing self in a car or a rope for hanging self and so forth then there can be a copy cat effect.

Why would a person copy another individual who has suicided. It would seem that there are three possible psychological phenomena at work with copy cat suicides. It seems reasonable to conclude and the research would agree that the more emotional importance the suicidal person has to the individual the more likely the occurrence of a copy cat attempt. The most obvious one being a parent, a close loved one or with teenagers a close friend, member of his gang or community.

Look at how the man and boy are standing

Modelling. The term copy cat means precisely that, copying. People copy each other’s behaviour, thoughts and feelings especially of those who are important. Humans model on each other and in transactional analysis terms the modelled behaviour is placed in the Parent ego state as a tape. If the two other aspects of the personality, that is the Child and Adult ego states are consistent with suicidal behaviour then modelling suicidal behaviour could result in a copy cat suicide attempt being undertaken.

Parent ego state tapes

Permissions. In order to behave a certain way people sometimes seek permission from others to do so. This often happens in counselling. The client has decided on a course of action but feels unsure about it and thus seeks out a counsellor to get permission to do it. That may be to leave a marriage, change jobs, confront mother and so forth. If someone else says its OK to do it then the person feels more confident and secure in taking the course of action.

This of course can also apply for suicidal behaviour. If one has a parent or close friend who is talking about suicide, displaying methods of suicide, attempting suicide or even completes a suicide attempt this can be permission giving. By watching another person act in a certain way can be taken as a permission by the individual to behave in the same way. Again, if the rest of the personality is prone to suicidal behaviour then such permissions can lead to suicide attempts by the person.

This permission giving aspect of copy cat suicide attempts can lead to angst amongst parents of teenagers who listen to rock music that have lyrics about suicide. The parents see the rock stars as possibly giving permission to the teenagers to behave in suicidal ways. If the rock star is idolised by the teenager then the permission giving can be quite strong indeed. However rock music lyrics have never made anyone suicidal but it could play some sort of role in permission giving as is described here. If the rest of the personality is not consistent with suicidal acts then it is not going to happen.

Normalising behaviour. If a teenager is in a peer group where others are getting tattoos then the actual act of getting a tattoo become normalised. It is no longer seen as an abnormal act in the eyes of the teenager and thus he is more likely to get a tattoo of his own. If a teenager listens to a peer talk about and plan a suicide then that makes the behaviour more normal. If one sees mother complete a suicide that makes the behaviour more normal for the child.

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